The following Featured Post comes from TV Group 2, Thread 12.

1. What do you think of Bi-racial adoptions?
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - /EST
alessandra

My husband and I are both Caucasian and are seriously thinking of adopting a Bi-racial baby or maybe an African-American grown child (that is, not necessarily a baby). I have always known there would be issues, but I just think that if you love your child to the best and I mean THE BEST that you can, that child will have an optimistic approach to the adversities of life. We are a Christian couple who have prayed and continue to pray for God's direction in this. It would not be something we do because it "feels good." We would only ask that the Lord open the doors or shut them as He sees fit.

In general, how do you all view these adoptions?

2. Reply to Alessandra
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - 1:05 AM/EST
jimbob

I'll probably get some flak over this, but here goes. If you're thinking of adopting a child, you should try to adopt one who is similar in appearance to you. In the long run, I think that will work out best for you and the child. Recently, some local Black communittee leaders said the same thing. I think adoptees have their own issues and race differences has a good chance of compounding the issues. Of course, this is a generalization on my part - there are exceptions to everything.

3. Reply to Alessandra
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - 11:00 AM/EST
dblestd

If you and your husband have a truly un-selfish desire (by that I mean you are not placing the desire to adopt before your desire for the Lord) to adopt a child of ANY race and it is God's will, then who cares what anyone else thinks?! Jimbob does bring up a valid issue that you will most likely have to deal with at some point. But, have faith because God can do things exceedingly and abundantly beyond what we can think or imagine.

4. Reply to Alessandra
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - 11:24 AM/EST
bookrabbit

I am a adoptive mom. My second son came to live with us when he was 18 months. He is .5 Hispanic/.5 AA.

I think that if you are thinking of adopting a bi-racial or AA child, it can work out fine. But I do believe that you need to make sure that your child has connections to his/her heritage. He/she needs to feel that they aren't "different" from everyone around them. In hearing the stories of biracial children adopted by Caucasian parents, sometimes if they were raised in an all-white background, they have felt isolated. I also think you should be sure that your families are fully accepting of your idea of adopting. Sometimes that can be an issue.

6. For Alessandra -- I wholeheartedly agree with Bookrabbit and Phoebe
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - 2:24 PM/EST
s.patricia

It's easy to understand why many people oppose mixed-race adoptions. In a perfect world maybe there would be a perfect family of color for every child of color that needed adopting ... or maybe there just wouldn't be so many children in need of adoption ... We don't live in that world, however. If there are people willing to open their hearts and homes to parentless children, racial difference -- or *any* difference -- shouldn't be a barrier. I am still idealistic enough to believe that "love will conquer all." Alessandra, you may have to consider some of the things Bill and Karen did -- such as which city/area will be good for your new family -- but don't be discouraged!

7. Alessandra, why do you want to?
Fri, Sep 17, 1999 - /EST
elissa

Alessandra, I can't help but wonder why you want to adopt a biracial or black child. If you are specifically looking for an infant, I might see why. There is a myth (We have recently tried to adopt, and it is not working out well at all. There are young children of color available.) that there are an abundance of black or biracitl (b/w) babies. But, if you are interested in an older child, there are tons of white kids available. Why invite complex issues when there is no need?

I'm not one of those people that thinks adoptions should always be within a family's own racial makeup. If you had come to know a black child in need of a home, and then decided to adopt that specific child, I would have no question. Or, if there were tons more available black kids than white, that would make snese to me as well. But, why go out "shopping" specifically for a child of color when you are not a family of color?

8. Interracial adoptions
Fri, Sep 17, 1999 - 2:13 PM/EST
artemis

I'm glad this topic has come up. My partner and I are thinking of adopting a child at some point, and we are interested in an Asian or Asian-Caucasian child (someone who "looks like us" or at least looks like he/she could be our biological child). We have a lot to give a child, having already raised two children to semi-adulthood, and we are ready to provide cultural education to the child, as well as love and support. However, I still hestitate, because to me the child comes first, and I'm not sure if it is in the child's best interest for a Caucasian woman (me) to mother an adopted non-Caucasian child.

I don't want to offend those of you who have adopted children of a race other than yours. I think that love goes a long way toward healing a child's hurts and confusion. And I am sure that having a home and family is better than being shunted around in foster care. But I would like to hear from any of you who have grown up in this type of situation, and how having a parent or parents that didn't look like you affected you. And do you think that having parents of two different races is the same experience for the child, whether the child is biological or adopted?

10. For Alessandra -- I wholeheartedly agree with Bookrabbit and Phoebe
Sat, Sep 18, 1999 - 1:18 PM/EST
tzeny

Adopting a child of any color is a difficult thing for a couple to do. It truly takes a willing, caring, committed and loving couple to open their hearts as well as their home up to give the opportunity to a child to come in and grow up as if it is their child. Alessandra I believe that God will guide both you and your husband to make the best decision for you both.

Now onto our topic Yes it is easier to adopt a child that looks like you, and that could easily had been born by you and to avoid any "issues" having one that is of a different color origin.

Phoebe brought up a very very good point. Who doesn't want that to have a child that will fit in their family with out any problems? Problem meaning that the child is of a different color. Statistics prove that there are more non-white children available for adoption than white. So white parents wanting to adopt are faced with the question of should they adopt a non white child. If we say no that means those children may not have the opportunity to be adopted because of the lack of non white couples wanting to adopt. That is not fair to the child first of all and second of all LOVE has no color constraints.

Parents adopting a child of different color should try to keep their adopted child aware of their background and heritage. I know this isn't an easy thing but at least the child will have the opportunity to have life near a loving and caring family.

12. Response
Sat, Sep 18, 1999 - 11:20 PM/EST
alessandra

It really doesn't matter to me what my future child looks like to be honest. The reason I wrote that we are interested in possibly an AA child is because we did search the DSS book of available children and the majority of these kids are of AA backgrounds. I don't sit around dreaming of what it would be like to have a particular color child, I just want to be an adoptive mom. I want to care and nurture a child who right now does not have a REAL family. I like to ask people what they think because I really do not want to be shocked when insults come our way. I know ultimately if we continue to pray to our Lord, He and only He, will make that choice clear.

I wish that all of you who see humans mostly by their skin color realize how superficial you are being. I will not live my life like that and my future children will never use color as an excuse for anything. How God sees you is the only thing that matters.

13. Alessandra -- response to your response
Sun, Sep 19, 1999 - 4:43 PM/EST
s.patricia

I don't think any of us have been superficial. I think we have been trying to discuss our feelings on this topic as plainly as possible. The fact of the matter is that if you adopt a child whose color differs from yours, there will be certain issues that arise that you and your husband and child(ren) will have to deal with. This doesn't mean that any of us only look at color when we look at people (forgive me for speaking for all of you, but I feel a little safe making this assumption). It simply means we are being realistic. Of course your future children shouldn't use color as an "excuse" (though I'm not exactly sure what you mean when you say that), but that's not what any of us have been talking about. You asked for our thoughts and we shared them; that's all.

15. Response to Alessandra
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 2:32 PM/EST
artemis

Wouldn't it be wonderful to live in a society where color, religion, and ethnicity don't matter! Where a postal worker doesn't get shot down in the street because he has a brown skin. Where Jewish children don't get murdered because they are Jewish. Where native people don't get hate mail for practicing their culture. Where advocates for the "white race" don't have parades and marches advocating the killing of those who are not "like them."

Tragically, all of these incidents have happened in the past six months. There are many more of these incidents than I have room here to describe. But my point is that we live and have to raise our children in this society and culture. Skin color may not be an issue in our homes, but be assured that it will be imposed upon us and our children repeatedly by the outside world. It seems to me that we are being responsible and thoughtful when we think about and discuss the possible problems that may come up as a result of interracial adoption. It doesn't mean we are superficial or only see people by their skin color. It means we are being honest and realistic. As s.patricia mentioned, you did ask for our opinions.