The following Featured Post comes from Relationship Group 7, Thread 19.

1. Everyone in the group please read message 18
Sat, Sep 18, 1999 - 4:47 AM/EST
wayne

I have read all of the intro's posted so far and I will say that I wanted to personally respond to each and everyone one of them.

My name is Wayne, 28yrs old, single black male. I moved to a Dallas suburb, Lewisville (anglo/semi-rural/conservative), at 8yrs. Left home at 15 and finished high school. Went to school as an athelete in 1989 (Abilene,TX anglo/semi-rural/conservative). Saw my future and moved to Austin, TX (multi-cultured/semi-urban/liberal) to go to school as a scholar instead of a mule. Worked my way through the University of Texas.

That's when I met her, Sarah, she made all the things I hated about myself seem okay. It was not the first interracial relationship I had been in but it was the first to involve love. We were/maybe still are madly in love with one another. Friends for a year first, then lovers, then housemates our relationship seemed like heaven. We had no money and I worked two jobs but between her and school I felt satisfied. I think the relationship suffered from the usual class/economic hardships I've heard others talk about here. I was young and sought help from a professor with his own racial identity questions. He asked me if my love for her might have something to do with her "whiteness".

Being young and naive I doubted myself and our love. When she asked me what was the problem I told her, I put her on a pedastal to high to think that that wouldn't affect her. I don't think she has ever looked at me the same since that day. She graduated first and returned to NYC and we both vowed it was temporary, did I mention I was young.

We ended the relationship after 3 years. We still talk and vow our love for one another 3 years later. I just want to gain some insight on the problems she might have faced. I know now that her family disagreed-they gave no outward sign. Her friends mocked her. I did not know her shame of them until the day she left for NYC when she confessed it. I am hoping that by listening and through discourse that I will gain a better understanding of the only person I have ever truly loved.

I now work with computers and will be pursuing a Law degree in Dallas. Like Heather(group member) I only believe in one people. Race is a social construct used to pit people against one another usually for social or economic gain. Racial pride is a recent evil.

3. Oh Wayne!
Sat, Sep 18, 1999 - 9:53 AM/EST
denjenhall

When I read your post, tears came to my eyes. Your one true love lost. It's so sad. I'm married to my soulmate and can't imagine life without him. Being a white woman I may be able to explain a little. The majority of my relationships were with black men not bacause of their colour but because of the kind of people they were. My best friend whom I met at 11 was black too and I still wonder if she really approved.

The most flack I got was from black women. The looks they gave me, the names they called me (slut etc.) the feeling I got when I was around them made me experience racism first hand. I understand why they felt this way but I wasn't dating these people to upset them or to take their men away. After all, the man always was the one to ask me out!!

My husband says that they may have been jealous. My life was threatened and I had a number of black girls assault me for who I was dating! Iwas even assaulted when I was pregnant for my first child but luckily the baby was okay (the girl did not know I was pregnant). I live in Ottawa Canada and although I didn't see that black men got flack for being with white women but the other way around!

4. crazy
Sat, Sep 18, 1999 - 5:19 PM/EST
heather

Your posts have left me with many emotions..all which circle back to the resounding "WHY?!" on peoples care over race. I see life from a spiritual view, we are all spiritual Beings. How in the world are people to accept the Divine in self, others, and Life when they are still playing 'yuck you are different' games?! It is merely biology while Spirit is Spirit is Spirit.

It is sad and crazy. I have never experienced what you two have just spoke of but my heart aches for all that have and do.

5. Thanks
Sun, Sep 19, 1999 - 2:40 AM/EST
wayne

Denjenhall-hopefully it is not lost yet. She produced a play and I'm the hero. It was such an idealized view of myself I didn't even recognize the character as me. I just got the produced version yesterday(I think that's why my entries were so zealous) and I was truly moved. Thank you and from reading your response I've already gained then benefit of a perspective I didn't contemplate. Sarah was threaten by the "friend" that introduced us. We laughed it off but maybe it did affect her. Thanks again

Thank you Heather- your bio made me feel a lot less isolated than my everyday life.

6. I feel you Wayne
Tue, Sep 21, 1999 - 10:44 PM/EST
mango

Wayne I'm using some of your intro space to talk about myself. I just posted an entry on the Trophy Wives subject mainly because it had the most postings but then I came across your entry of "everybody read" and I'm glad I did. Now I understand how people get involved on the net, I wish I knew you!

Anyway, I am 35 and have always lived in Arkansas. I've always felt my views did not click with anybody in my rural community where I grew up. My father is bi-racial.He never liked to talk about it and ignored the fact that peole commented about our golden hued skin all the time. I guess that is why I never thought about it either; if it wasn't mentioned then it must not be a problem, right? I found out differently but thats another chapter.