The following Featured Post comes from Relationship Group 7, Thread 40.

1. I AM NOT A PLANT FROM PBS
Sun, Oct 3, 1999 - 3:50 PM/EST
lightnet

I JUST SIGNED ON AND HAVE READ A FEW COMMENTS, MOSTLY FROM THE PAST WEEK. I UNDERSTAND THAT A FEW OF YOU MISSED MY INPUT AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WERE OFFENDED BY MY COMMENTS, THEY WERE JUST THAT, MINE! I REALIZE A LOT OF YOU WONDER WHAT MOVES ME, WHY I FEEL AND THINK THE WAY THAT I DO. LIFE. I NOTICED THAT SOME TOPICS WERE CREATED IN ORDER THAT I WOULD NOT PARTICIPATE. I AM NOT OFFENDED, BUT THIS GROUP WAS CREATED THAT ALL SHARE THEIR BELIEFS OF TOPICS WASN'T IT?

I DO NOT PERSONALLY KNOW ANY OF YOU. MY WORDS WERE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS AROUND ME AND I KNOW THAT SOME OF YOU AGREED TO WHAT I STATED AND WHAT I QUOTED. AND YES, THOSE WERE QUOTES FROM PEOPLE I KNOW. MY FEELINGS ARE AS I STATED EARLIER. I HAVE NOT CHANGED THEM SINCE THIS DIALOGUE.

IF WHAT WAS SAID OR QUOTED GOT UNDER YOUR SKIN, MAYBE THERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS YOU YOURSELVES NEED ANSWERED. I HOPE THAT IT AT LEAST OPENED YOUR EYES A BIT. DO ANY OF YOU REMEMER THAT SANDRA STATED HOW HER SON'S DATED WHITE GIRLS BECAUSE THEY WERE EASIER THAN A "SISTER"? BEFORE YOU GET UPSET WITH ME FOR STATING A REALITY (YOU REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT WAS THERE), CHECK IT OUT. CHECK YOUR RELATIONSHIPS OUT. INVESTIGATE WHAT WAS STATED. IF A PERSON TRUTHFULLY ANSWERS YOU, YOU WILL FIND THAT WHAT I POSTED WASN'T FAR OFF. I AM NOT OFFENDED BY WHAT ANY OF YOU THOUGHT OF ME. YOU READ MY STATEMENTS AND THE QUOTES I WROTE. THERE IS MORE TO ME THAN THIS DIALOGUE. I AM SURE (OR HOPE) THERE WAS MORE TO YOU THAN THE COMMENTS YOU POSTED.

3. Glad you're still here!
Sun, Oct 3, 1999 - 8:20 PM/EST
noreen

If we all agreed on everything, life would be a bit dull.I hope that the dialogue in this forum has prompted you to question the beliefs you held. You may reverse your beliefs, you may alter them, or you may keep them just as they were. But, at least you expose yourself to other viewpoints and keep your mind open to new ideas.

It's obvious that many people in the group disagreed with the content or the manner in which you expressed yourself. It's OK to disagree. I'm glad you didn't just walk away, but stuck around to see it through. (There's only one week left!)

4. not offended, but curious
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 1:29 PM/EST
kristans

I'm not offended by your comments either, but I am curiuos to know why it's considered okay to generalize what you experience to others in the group.

Maybe there are people who date outside their own race because they think that others will be more accepting of their crap. That's dysfunctional, but if someone wants to put up with it that's fine too. But why assume that it applies here? That's not why I dated the person I do and bet it's the case for many others.

No one here in the group has a lock on any sort of absolute truth and shouldn't claim to. I assumed that people were trying to figure out how to better appreciate each others' different situations and not indict them for being in them in the first place.

5. Thank you kristans
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 2:22 PM/EST
denjenhall

I'm glad that someone has come forward to express what, I think, many of us have been trying to express. Dysfunctional or functional relationships come in all colour combinations - not just black man/white woman ones. Generalizing and then applying the generalizations to members of this group was the wrong thing to do, period!!!

7. TO: kristans
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 8:23 PM/EST
lightnet

I'M REALLY NOT CONCERNED WHY YOU DATE, MARRY OR LOVE ANYONE. DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT. MY QUOTES, AND STATEMENTS WERE MADE CONCERNING THE TROPHY WIVES TOPIC. THIS TOPIC THAT I CREATED, WAS CONCERNING ME AND HOW I AM NOT A PLANT FROM PBS. I ALSO INCLUDED COMENTS CONCERNING MY RIGHT TO MY VOICE!

ALSO, IN MY BIO/INTRO. I DO LIKE DIFFERENT CULTURES, WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU. I DO NOT KNOW YOUR CULTURE OR YOU. WHAT I DON'T APPRECIATE, I DON'T INVOLVE MY SELF IN. AGAIN, IT IS NOT ONLY MY RIGHT BUT MY CHOICE.

ANYWAY, THIS DIALOGUE WAS DEVELOPED TO DISCUSS OBSTACLES IN YOUR KIND OF RELATIONSHIPS. MY OPINION IS BUT ONE. JUST BECAUSE MY COMMENTS MOVE YOU, IT SHOULD NOT MOVE THE REASON WHY THIS DIALOG WAS CREATED. RIGHT?

8. Lightnet is burnt out
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 8:59 PM/EST
denjenhall

This discussion group was NOT designed to help us overcome obstacles in OUR relationships (you are obviously referring to interracial ones). It was created for us to talk about our relationships in general. But if it was why would YOU be part of it? As our wise counsellor maybe? It's really interesting that all of us have shared OUR personal relationship experiences but YOU have not! You obviously accept cross-cultural relationships so why not cross-racial? You seem to be quick to judge and comment on the things that we've had the guts to share with one another but where is YOUR sharing?

Something has obviously happened to you that you don't want to share and that's your business but don't take your frustrations out on us! As for your advice, you've never been in a interracial relationship (or atleast we don't know about it) and you've never had children interracial or otherwise so who makes you the expert? Just to let you know, I've never been a person to really stand up against anyone but in this case I've found the strength and courage to put you in your place, for all of our sakes!!

9. TO: noreen
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 9:01 PM/EST
lightnet

I AM GLAD THAT YOU ARE A PART OF THIS DIALOGUE. YOU TRULY KNOW THE PURPOSE FOR THE WORD. AND YOU ARE CORRECT, I AM OPENED MINDED AND DO WANT TO HEAR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. IF I DIDN'T, I WOULDN'T HAVE JOINED THIS DISCUSSION OR WASTED MY TIME.

WHEN WE INTERNALIZE THE THOUGHTS OF OTHERS, IT CAN LEAD TO CONFUSION AND NOTHING GETS ACCOMPLISHED. THAT IS NOT WHAT, EVEN I, WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH.

PEOPLE GOT STUCK IN THE COMMENTS INSTEAD OF REFLECTING AND THEN MOVING ON.

10. By the way!Lightnet!!!
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 9:11 PM/EST
denjenhall

I was curious about your views and I thought that maybe if I shared with you personally you might open up - I guess I thought wrong! I have moved on, I've moved onto topic 40! I'm sorry but you may never live down the comments you've been making, don't you know, we can't stand RACISTS!!!!!!!! Yes, I said it, because that's exactly what you've proven yourself to be!!!! I think that everyone here has tried to give you a second chance to talk to us with respect and kindness - unfortunately you just don't seem to be able to rise to the occasion!! Are you always so bitchy? Well, I see that my time must end (before I say something I regret)!!!!!!!!!!

12. TO: dejenhall
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 9:15 PM/EST
lightnet

denjenhall,

I TRULY HOPE YOU THE BEST. I SMILE AT YOUR COMMENTS. THEY DON'T MOVE ME. WHY DO YOU EXPRESS SUCH PASSION WITH ME?

I EXPRESSED TO YOU EARLIER, I AM NOT THE BLACK WOMAN WHO ABUSED YOU. I'VE READ SO MANY COMMENTS, I THINK THAT WS YOU WHO STATED THAT. IF NOT, I AM NOT THE BLACK WOMEN YOU HAVE COME ACROSS THAT HAVE WRONGED YOU.

STOP THE MADNESS!

GOOD LUCK.
(SMILES)

13. Never thought you were, lightnet!
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 9:34 PM/EST
denjenhall

I was never projecting my feelings about that incident on you! Of course I know that you are not like her! I don't generalize about people everyone has different views! I was referring to the personal comments that you have made towards certain members of this group, I couldn't care less what you've said to me. Your comments don't move me either but I have the courtesy to answer when someone addresses me! I don't think you like me posting so much because you don't want to have to think about the things I am saying to you and only you! My comments are not generalized to everyone!

I'm glad that you wish me the best (I wish everyone on this earth the best) but I wonder if you're being genuine! I'll stop my "madness" if you stop yours (sounds childish doesn't it?) Don't apologize for who you are, just apologize for the hurt that you have caused some people of this group! I think that doing this would clear the slate since the people in this group are most likely forgiving! I apologize if in anyway MY comments have hurt you!

14. TO: denjenhall
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 9:57 PM/EST
lightnet

(smiles)

I HAVE TO CLOSE FOR NOW. REALLY! I SUSPECT YOU LIKE TO TALK. (JUST A STATEMENT, PLEASE DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU)

ANYWAY, I'M GLAD YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE SPEAKING FOR THIS DIALOGUE GROUP. I HAVE ONLY BEEN FLOODED WITH YOUR COMMENTS. NO ONE ELSE HAS SPOKEN LIKE YOU.

WHEN I POST, I POST WHAT I WANT. LIKE YOU HAVE WHILE POSTING TO THIS TOPIC.

NOW, DID YOU SEE ME BECOME IRATE AT YOUR POSTS OR OTHERS THAT POSTED? NO. WHEN THIS GROUP TERMINATES, SO WILL OUR CONTACT.

IN NO WAY DID YOU HURT MY FEELINGS. YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN NOT CONTROL MY FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS. (I THINK YOU GET MORE FRUSTRATED WHEN YOU SEE THAT YOU CAN'T) (JUST AN OBSERVATION, NO NEED TO LOSE IT.)

AGAIN, denjenhall, GOOD LUCK.
SIGNING OFF.

15. The Lightnet Project......(tongue firmly planted in cheek)
Tue, Oct 5, 1999 - 1:04 AM/EST
kimetha

I haven't commented on Lightnet's opinions earlier because frankly I blew her off as being a manipulative person who didn't have anything constructive to contribute. Sort of a rebel without applause. I saw her as a button pusher and I think you let her push your buttons Den. The fact she insisted on typing in all caps told me she LIKES TO UPSET PEOPLE. I'm glad you told her your feelings. The only problem is she's not nice enough to care if she upset you. I think she's bitter and it seeps our of her words.

Did you pick up on her statement in her post #1 under this topic...." I NOTICED THAT SOME TOPICS WERE CREATED IN ORDER THAT I WOULD NOT PARTICIPATE." Do what????? Geeze aren't we a plotting little group?! Also the title of this topic was really funny "I AM NOT A PLANT FROM PBS". I thought from the beginning that Noreen might be "with" our hosts somehow because she guided us to keep the discussions going and branching out. It never entered my mind that Lightnet might be here by special invitation.

16. TO: kimetha
Tue, Oct 5, 1999 - 11:44 AM/EST
lightnet

GLAD TO SEE YOU PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN! HEY, WE ALL HAVE OUR VOICE, I'M GLAD YOU POSTED. IF YOU DON'T THINK I HAVE ANYTHING TO CONTRIBUE THEN DON'T POST TO WHAT I HAVE POSTED. (MAKES SENSE DOESN'T IT?) (NO LOVE LOST) (SMILES)

P.S. GOOD LUCK TO YOU TOO!

17. LOL...
Tue, Oct 5, 1999 - 8:04 PM/EST
noreen

kimetha,
No, I'm not a plant either! But, the idea is funny... I did try to direct the group a bit, when I saw our discussion losing focus. It's a curse of being an adult educator, to try to organize and lead discussions. I'm trying to just be a member of the group... :)

18. Antagonism
Wed, Oct 6, 1999 - 2:38 PM/EST
xena

Well-said Kimetha and Kristans.

It's unfortunate that you are not a plant from PBS because at least then I could understand your purpose for joining the dialogue. You have chosen to use an antagonistic communication style. As you certainly know from being a communications major, if you want someone to listen you generally do not antagonize them. One of the first rules of communication is to "know your audience." Using terms like "you white women" and "your type of relationship", as well as ignoring some very interesting questions posed to you has created the feeling that you set yourself apart from the rest of the participants. You have proven yourself not to be open-minded because you choose to talk and not listen. We all have things to learn, even you lightnet. The real tragedy is that in some of your posts you posed some interesting issues, but it was impossible to truly discuss them because of your communication style. Your style has been diversionary and unproductive.

19. One more thing....
Wed, Oct 6, 1999 - 3:35 PM/EST
amym

I realize that when we tell lightnet how bothered we are about her comments it just gives her a chance to attack instead of take the chance to understand what she said and see how it could hurt someone. Lighnet did not share any truly personal life experiences but she sure did have a lot to say about what we shared. I want to ask a question and I am not trying to attack or be mean. Lightnet what kind of people do you have for friends? You posted a ton of stuff about what your friends say about White women, Black men dating White women, and just crazy things that your male Black friends say.

Remember, I am not attacking or calling names but those remarks of your friends sound like they are being expressed by someone of little intelligence. This is the only thing I have been wondering about and I just wanted to say it. I am glad that you are not a plant and do wish you well in your life. I believe that everyone always deserves a hug so I am giving you one.......(((hug)))